The Sphinx

It started a long long time ago, when he could remember. The music wasn’t the way it used to play…. That was digression. Back to yesterday, there were times in your life when you were advised on a position…ok now we are talking about one of the three “S’s. He was told not to prone himself while doing “that”. But he also remembers when pipelines where so clogged that he had to do “that” on a Milo can that was lined with a brown paper bag. He remembered the mark it left on his behind. Roy Rogers became his partner. His doctor visualized what the procedure would take. The position, rubber banding…enough detail already! PLEASE.
So each morning he just sings…. Hurt... hurt…love the man who loves you, love the man who cares…..

CGI photo by: Jude

Fifth’s Fifth

It was the eleventh moon before the millennium
Their eyes met at the picture store
She, like a star, brought a twinkle in his eye
He smiled at her.

She,
gazed and looked away
was full of charisma
She captivated him.

They ventured out, testing the waters
She needed a space
He offered a lifeline
she accepted, perhaps as a means of survival?

They discussed their situation, ethics and all
So he made her an offer
She did not refuse
The news flew
Rich mound went mad.

It was the eleventh day after the eleventh
People flocked from near and far
It was a blast.
He was overwhelmed, it was just the beginning.

She is unraveling him slowly
Through thick and thin
Roofing sickness and cocooning
She endures selflessly

She is teaching him so much
- to be real
- to be humble
- to live

the pendulum swings
but conversation is healing
She is beautiful in body
She is beautiful in mind


He loves her no end
his worship lives on, even as she dreams
he is not worthy
His heart has awaked to a love unending.

The Mah-Boo-High Lounge

It all started 5 years ago when they moved into the building at alphabet-soup street. It was sparse, clean and their new nest. It was empty, and yet…full of promise.
They had NOTHING, yet as time passed so did acquisitions.
Soon, people started to take note of their proximity to that landing strip. It was a nice space but a tad small. They celebrated their first Christmas by building a balsa model single-prop plane together.
Hmmm…sounds nice so far.
SUDDENLY, a new space opened up just down the hall.
Ah, an easy move—just roll everything down the hall, which was not much. And so they found their “new” crib. Bigger, better located, and more spacious.
Then things really started happening. First there was one then two then three, then ad infinitum of behind resters. Some even exploded upon impact. There were too many parties to remember: food, garden lounge, beer, wine, lumpia, oil explosions, and music. But the most honoring events were when the guests realized they were welcome to stay over whether it was for a night or two or even a week.
Beyond the small space, a train escorted their guests to the city above (sometimes with or without a tour guide), the campus below, and the cake shop between.
In one case, the Bay Area fog phenomenon almost brought on cannibalistic behavior.
The place is not just a “3-S” stop, it is now a museum. They feel honored (and always will be) to have guests include them in their travels.

Father and Daughter

If you leap awake
In the mirror of a bad dream
And for a fraction of a second
You can't remember where you are
Just open your window
And follow your memory upstream
To the meadow in the mountain
Where we counted every falling star

I believe the light that shines on you
Will shine on you forever
And though I can't guarantee
There's nothing scary hiding under your bed
I’m gonna stand guard
Like a postcard of a Golden Retriever
And never leave till I leave you
With a sweet dream in your head

I'm gonna watch you shine
Gonna watch you grow
Gonna paint a sign
So you'll always know
As long as one and one is two
There could never be a father
Who loved his daughter more than I love you

Trust your intuition
It's just like going fishing
You cast your line
And hope you'll get a bite
But you don't need to waste your time
Worrying about the market place
Try to help the human race
Struggling to survive its harshest night

I'm gonna watch you shine
Gonna watch you grow
Gonna paint a sign
So you'll always know
As long as one and one is two
There could never be a father
Who loved his daughter more than I love you

I'm gonna watch you shine
Gonna watch you grow
Gonna paint a sign
So you'll always know
As long as one and one is two
There could never be a father
Who loved his daughter more than I love you

Happy Birthday Maya, Love Dad

By: Paul Simon

Intertropical Convergence Zone

The storm is here, He deals with it.
He takes a big dry swallowing gulp.
He is ok. Or is he?
He has made it a point to be,
comfortably numb.

Move on you weakling!
What do you really know?
You can't write,
you can't spell.
You are LAZY!

You claim to be ok,
but you are not.
You are sick, in your head and body.
You pretend too much.

He should be honest,
he is a liar,
A copier,
He should take care of himself,
before he tries to take care of others.

He is SICK!

Do You Realize?

Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize - we're floating in space -
Do You Realize - that happiness makes you cry
Do You Realize - that everyone you know someday will die

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do You Realize - Oh - Oh - Oh
Do You Realize - that everyone you know
Someday will die -

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face
Do You Realize

By: The Flaming Lips, thanks, Charles!

Just pray.

When he was young, there were many difficulties that they went through.
Often, when these difficulties (or should he say, problems) occured, he was told to "just pray".
He often recalls those Sunday mornings or Saturday evenings when he just sat there watching the "ritual".
He wondered why all the "S" sounds where more audible than the other words spoken by the crowd.
So, he thought that praying was mumbling or garbling but enunciating the "S' sound more audibly.

It didn't work!

Last Farewell

Dear Josephine,

I am sorry for not being around when you needed me. I thought I explained why I needed to leave for the United States when you became pregnant, but now I realize you didn’t understand. I realize now we have many cultural differences—in the ways we express ourselves, our limitations in travel, our views of the world, and how we support our loved ones.

I know I pursued extreme avenues to find out how Sparrow is and for her to find out who I am, but hopefully, she and you will find out my goals were sincere. I don’t feel I abandoned Sparrow because my life for the last nine years has revolved around her. I moved to the United States (leaving a prominent job and secure life in the Philippines) in attempt to reach you in time for Sparrow’s birth. If I had stayed in the Philippines, I would not have been able to emigrate at all. I never came to America to be an “American”. I came to here as a stepping-stone to reach you and what I thought would be our “new life.” I worked hard to make money (mopping floors at 4 in the morning and working at a low paying job in the afternoon) to show the immigration office that I had enough money to return, even though my goal was not to return. I felt it was my responsibility to make the money for the trip to England and get there on time, which I know I was late (due to the number of visa denials I received). I know you didn’t feel I cared about you while you were pregnant, but I worked this way and humbled myself (with menial jobs) because I was very excited about our new family, even if I could not express this in letters. Even though I left in December 1997 from England, I still hoped we could be together, which you made clear would not happen when I returned in 1999. That trip in 1999 caused me great debt and other travel complications, which resulted in no further trips after 1999. Contrary to what you might think, I support myself here in America with limited resources from a teaching position. Also, a Filipino passport kept me limited in where I could go. If I could have, I would have taken more trips to England. I find it unfortunate that you perceived all the events since 1997 in the way you expressed yourself in your last letter to the solicitor. I feel you have (or had) a misconception on how and why people travel from other countries. I stay in America to pay off my debt, but this has not been an easy nine years, as my Filipino nationalism does not mix well with the American lifestyle. I don’t seek the American dream which conflicts with what I really want: to go home.

In lieu of pursuing legal avenues, which will cost me money to courts and solicitors, I want to save the money for Sparrow. I will not challenge the way you and Sparrow are living…I will believe she is happy and healthy, which is the most important thing. I will make you aware, as well as Sparrow in another letter, that I am setting aside money for her, which she can access when she needs to. The burden I put on Robino, Margareta and yourself was an unfortunate miscommunication. I understand your concern for Sparrow, to be possibly unhappy by my sudden appearance in her life, so I will wait to not jeopardize her happiness. However, I do want to emphasize that while I am not there, I do think about her and love her to no end. Sparrow is now getting to the age where she will ask and pursue her questions about who she is. I hope she knows that she is and will always be half-Filipino. Please don’t hinder her quest for answers. If needed, I now have a United States passport (1st world), which allows me to travel to other 1st world countries easier, including England.

I have looked up what you have being doing these last few years, and I am proud of you for what you have accomplished with your textiles. I am happy you have been successful with your craft. You have moved on and so have I. I know you know that I have gotten married. My wife and I will eventually move to the Philippines so I can truly help the poor in the world, using the skills I gained here in the States working with disabled children.

Many times I wished our relationship could have been longer in the Philippines so that we understood each other better. I wish I had told you what I felt then and how I have been feeling these last few years about our situation and Sparrow. Again, we never had a strong relationship.

I would like you (and Sparrow) to know that she has many cousins around the world who know about her, and would like to meet her at some time. She has cousins here in America, in Australia, and in the Philippines. As for the here and now, I continue to hope that Sparrow is happy and not exposed to the materialism of the “unreal” world.

I do not expect a response from you, as this is my last correspondence to explain myself to you. I will continue to write to Sparrow and send gifts on her birthday and at Christmas. If she does not receive them now, then I hope you will hold on to them for her in the future. I have not said anything negative about you, and I hope you do the same towards me. I hope if Sparrow does ask about me, you try to explain the difficulties of traveling, as an immigrant and that I do love her very much.

Please extend my apologies to Robino and Margareta. I never wanted other people to care for Sparrow in my place, nor put the burden on you solely as the parent. I really wanted to be there, but I guess everything happens for a reason.

Wishing you the best always,

Tadeo Mercado

For Jose Rizal

Photo by: Jude, taken at Knott's Berry Farm L.A. December 2005

Aide pour affligg'ee

Aid to the distressed! Ah fall is just around the corner; he smells it in the air, its cooler outside, he lowers the windows to block those harsh biting cold winds of the night. As Hurricane season starts back around and typhoon season at full swing, volcanic eruptions, mudslides, extreme weather patterns et. al. He wonders what the next big tragedy will be. Tragedies, man made or just nature has its way of balancing out the way people react. Many of these events are now predictable and can be well prepared for in advance. Stocking up on batteries, bottled water, canned goods, cleaning the gutters, layering of clothes. Bringing an umbrella, it really all depends on where you are. Many people and minds will mobilize to “help” those who are distressed. It is also the time of year when he has to start his own preparations for the change of weather in his own mind. The typhoon is coming in a fortnight. He has to prepare, set his sights on overcoming it. He has experimented in earlier years how to overcome it. Some of them successful many were not. Despite the plethora of issues he had dealt with throughout the year, he still has to contemplate his next moves. Typhoon “sparrow" is coming and there is no way to avoid it. So hold on tight or it just may blow him away. Again!

Photo by: Jude, taken on the plane leaving that big freeway looking for it's city. L.A. December 2005

Cocoon

When he was young, he used to watch those fat green caterpillars moving slowly along the adobe fence, near the tall fruit tree in the side garden. He was curious to watch how slowly they moved and how fat they would get.
On an occasion he would even tap them and hold them, but their tiny feet were a bit itchy on the skin. Once he even poked one of them with the spine of a broomstick (used too to clean said garden), black substance started oozing out of its body and it eventually curled up. He always wondered where those green caterpillars went, so he went to investigate. It turned out that they were all heading for that tall fruit tree to spin their web that made up a cocoon. So again out of curiosity, he climbed the tree and plucked one out to find out what they were doing in there. Shaking it, tossing it and eventually cutting it open. What he saw was a strange alien looking stiff creature, that was very dark brown. It had underdeveloped wings, head and torso. Later on he learned that that was the evolution of a moth that eventually would cut its way out and metamorph to become a multi-colored flying accessory to that said garden.
So in human ways, cocooning is a way of hiding until one can come out looking much better than he/she once looked. Examples of human cocooning a.k.a withdrawing from society:
Cover oneself in a thin blanket followed by a thicker one (depending on the outside temperature, leave a small opening so as to allow breathing of fresh air).
Do not eat, do not bathe. Curl up in the fetal position and drink fluids, if possible through a straw.
Only come out for very short times to do your bodily functions.
Keep your hand between your thighs (to keep them warm) wear thin socks, do not answer phone calls, do not agree to ANY kind of invitation to do ANYTHING and just ...think.
Advise to co-cocooners: make it a maximum of three days, or you may never become that necessary accessory to that garden .